I found an article about a woman doing the same experiment. I happened to keep it open on my internet browser ripe for my boyfriend to discover it. It was entitled ‘For One Week I Decided to Have Sex Whenever He Wanted (Here’s what happened)’. I hadn’t read it and he was interested, so we both read it. You can find the original article that inspired this blog post here: http://thoughtcatalog.com/adrienne-west/2014/10/for-one-week-i-decided-to-have-sex-with-my-boyfriend-whenever-he-wanted-heres-what-happened/. After a few fleeting moments of consideration about my many disabilities, my chronic pain and my challenges when it comes to sexual experimentation, I tossed all worry aside and proposed we do the same experiment. The only caveat: I had to be allowed to write about every personal detail. And post it to my blog. Where my grandmother could possibly read it. Hi Grandma Phyllis! He didn’t have to fear rejection for one week and in return I get to document it. I consider it my contribution to the conversation of the sexuality of disabled persons. I want to show how I can push the perceived social and cultural limits as a women who is chronically ill. Oh, and have tons of amazing sex.
Day One: Wednesday would have been any other night with me staying at his place. For me, this means traveling to another state via Southwest Airlines since I’m in a long distance relationship, but our routine is pretty normal: he comes home from work, we cook dinner, run errands, listen to music, engage in an actual ‘Netflix and chill’ session, cuddle and occasionally one of us initiates sexy time. Having sex usually revolves around my pain levels along with my mood. However, tonight was the night we stumbled upon the article mentioned above. Boom. Instant anti-rejection with VIP access pass for two please. Ok, so maybe the pass was more for him, but more on that later.
Right after we read the article and agreed on the terms, we started making out. Like the type of making out that you used to do when you were in high school. Then we jumped in the deep end. We started talking about sex more openly. He asked me what I liked and what I wanted more of. I asked him much of the same and other things that I don’t care to admit. It was like being questioned by a detective. I had no idea he had that many questions! I had no idea that he felt rejection on a regular basis even though we have been dating for six years. I didn’t realize how it must feel to get brushed off when he initiated sex. I put myself in his shoes and really thought about how that must weigh on you. I hadn’t even considered that my man could feel rejected even though we’re are in a committed long-term relationship. This had me thinking to all the times I said I couldn’t because I didn’t feel well or wasn’t in the mood. How did that make him feel?
Day Two: I did work from his place that day. Normally I wouldn’t put any effort into being primped for when he came home because he loves me for me, but I wanted to give this experiment a real shot. So, I straightened up, put on a sexy robe, and some perfume and waited for him to come him. He was exited about coming home, but didn’t expect to see me in bed waiting for him. We were happily intimate, showered, and made dinner. That romp in the bedroom lifted my mood and brought us closer together. Now that we were more open about things, there weren’t any rules. No stress, just vacation sex.
Day Three: This day we decided to stay in and make dinner. It was Friday but staying in felt like just what we needed. We watched Aquarius and hung out mostly. Before dinner, things got steamy again.
Days Four & Five: I had an unbelievably horrid pain spike these days and it was wise of my man to take care of me and find other ways to be intimate rather than partaking in anything that would make my pain worse.
Day Six: This day we went out to eat. After, we didn’t just come home and go to bed. We tried new things. I’ll just leave it at that.
Day Seven: I can’t recall whether or not we did the deed, but, by this time, I felt so much more connected. Colors seemed brighter, flowers smelled even more delightful, and I was reminded just how truly wonderful life is with the right person.
Would you ever consider doing this experiment? I think it’s something we will be repeating in the future. I hope this has encouraged you to open up more to your partner. So, start the conversation. Be bold.